Messy Pendulum Swings

 In my perspective, the path from being selfless, voiceless, and having no boundaries, toward empowerment and healthy self love involves some seriously messy pendulum swings. I have had to do some sweeping up of the mess, but I found my center. 

   I think the other side is necessary. It looks like selfishness from the perspective of those who are accustomed to the former person, but it is really just the beginning of learning to value yourself. It feels like you have to stand your ground so intensely and draw really hard lines or no one will take you seriously. I think I needed to learn to take myself seriously. I needed to fight for me. I needed to recognize within myself that I was worth it and that I deserved as much as I so freely gave to others. It wasn’t that I was being selfish, but I was rejecting what had been and clumsily stumbling into asserting my value. I think that often when people are “selfish” they are just fighting for themselves. 

  I found my way to healthy self love which is regarding myself as valuable and taking responsibility for making sure that my needs are met. It involves living with healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries don’t keep everyone out, but keep everyone healthy. It is worth the mess to get there.